Relationships

Relationships take time. Time requires an investment. Investment requires giving of self. Giving of self requires transparency and vulneralbility. Transparency and vulnerability require trust. Trust must be the foundation of a relationship. The beauty of that is that when all those things are place, the return is priceless. Developing a relationship has to be intentional---you will reap what you sow.

I once heard that the ulitmate torture for human beings is to isolate them. We were created to be in realtionship---both with our Maker and fellow man. It makes sense to me. I have found myself to some degree experiencing that very isolation. For the most part, I am homebound, left to drive my family absolutely crazy...aahhhh do I do that?? ;) I have realized how much my friends/family that I am apart from mean to me, and the deep sense of loss I feel. Its one of the unknowns in the" land of chronic illness" for lack of a better term, which feels more like a desolate wasteland, far removed from society. It causes me to think about those in biblical times those who had leprosy as they watched from afar all that was going on in the city beyond...watching life go on as it should be....just as I watch people go to work, school, shopping, appts. Following their dreams( as they very well should be and with me cheering on the sidelines) going about the life God intended. What I struggle with so much is that feeling of life going on without me, a feeling of loss that I am missing out on" life"---almost as if while I watch on the sidelines, not only is the game going on without me, doing well without me, but more importantly I dont even get to play in the game---not even for a short time. I must try to remind myself that my walk with God and where He is sending me is on a much different path...one that I dont want to go on, but must submit my will for His remembering that His plan is for good. It feels like anything but good. We know that just because something doesnt "feel" good it wont be "good" in the end. Thats where we must simply trust the God that spoke life into creation and all that is with alive. The God who created things like laughter, and sea anenomes and stars. Trust without faith is not trust and faith with out trust is not faith at all. Either God is who He says He is, and has done what Ive confessed Him to have done or not. The same God that sent His Son to die for me was not done in vain. In the absence of that, my suffering would be in vain, and that would be torture to an unknown magnitude that I dont even want to think about.